The Christmas decorations are already hanging and you can hear the Little Drummer Boy playing in the background. I feel deep irritation as I wonder how I can transfer myself to another planet to return after the first of the year when festivities are all behind the time. Not only do I not feel festive, but the reminder of holiday joy is something I regard that everyone else will be having while I am missing my former life with my husband. I just want to hide myself, dive into a hole and pull the covers over me
This was my first Christmas holiday without my husband, described to a T.
This year is different. I have a new love in my life who is kind and patient and incredibly loving while I continue to process my grieving. Together we have traveled and explored the West coast and New York City. We took my husband’s ashes to the Redwood forest. We bought a home and have moved in. We have deepened our friendship and created a loving relationship of mutual support. I have finished a job and started a new job. I have seen many friends come and go out of my life this year. My mother died this year exactly one year to the date that my husband died.
The key to all of this amazing growth has been being willing to open my life to complete dismantling and creating and building new paths for myself. This also requires trusting in me and the Universe in all choices being for my wellbeing and highest good.
Today we have gathered wondering how we are going to negotiate the holidays ahead and are looking for solace, nurturing, and perhaps this can be the result of community and sharing with each other.
I would like to suggest that the holiday season can be a time for personal growth and getting to know ourselves and what will bring personal joy and satisfaction to our new lives and let go of obligatory burdens to the degree that we can experience a different kind of holiday, one that brings our new selves into the future, selves that can be at peace in our hearts.